I've been doing alot of thinking about the fact that I have never been more confident in my life (Spiritually ) That's because my confidence is IN CHRIST. Yet in my flesh I have never been more insecure. I don't have much confidence in my abilities on a fleshly level. My age is revealing itself in wrinkles. I have no education beyond high school, I haven't worked a steady job other than waitressing and cleaning. And my ability to do critical thinking is poor . I don't have much faith in myself as a wife, a cook, even as a mom. Yet I have never been more full of joy, more secure in the reality of Christ's love and more sure that I have something to offer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. You see as I have come to this realization- it has driven me into the heart and bosom of Christ. I have come to know Him on a deeper level as my confidence in my own abilites ,and looks etc.. have decreased ...
I have looked to Christ for strength to endure in a marriage where (no matter how hard I tried) , I couldn't seem to succeed in keeping on top of the housework, making the kids behave well and respect us, loving my husband right, or even keeping myself looking my best for my husband.
I have lived my life the last fifteen years unable to share the single most important aspect of my life (Jesus Christ) with my husband, and yet my deep awareness of my inability to contribute at all- to him coming to know Christ, has evolved into a deep awareness of Christs profound strength available to me in my weakness. How can I not rejoice in that???- And yet at the same time I grieve. God has given me a love for my husband that is so unlike the love I had for Him when we were first marrried. Back then, truth be told, I loved him for what I felt he could offer me . That love quickly developed into contempt as I realized he could not be my Savior. Which led me to the ONLY TRUE SAVIOR- whose love has transformed my life! Now I love my husband with the gift of love poured into my heart at Calvary. The love of Christ compels me to love him! The love of Christ won't let me give up on him. No matter how much I have wanted to just throw up my hands at times and walk away, I cannot and will not do it!
The heart that beats within me is the very heart of Christ -that says never will I leave thee, never will I forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5 Yea I have loved thee with an everlasting love, therefore with loving kindness I have drawn thee. Jer 31:3 So I mourn also- because I love my husband with a love that is more pure than any love than I have ever loved with before. It is painful to love. It is vulnerable to love. Sometimes that love is not returned, sometimes there is no response at all. And it hurts. It hurts to watch someone disdain over and over such a beautiful love.. Because such a love can ONLY COME FROM GOD. And yet love I will and love I must! I have no choice because if I refuse -I seperate myself from love. Christ is the only source of love . True love , genuine love, raw love. Love that is so real it risks all to display itself. It's a love that hung naked on a cross for all to see!
Thankyou Jesus that you weren't ashamed to love me. No matter what it cost you.
And it cost You everything!
May I never be ashamed to love those who can't comprehend such a love and therefore reject it in fear.
- WE HAVE THIS TREASURE IN EARTHEN VESSELS THAT THE EXCELLENCY OF THE POWER MAY BE OF GOD. I am the wife Of Don and mother of two boys and a stay at home mom. My goal is to follow Jesus in all aspects of life but starting first and foremost in my own home.Titus 2:3-5 I stumble often and get discouraged, but am amazed as I go to my Lord in faith that he looks upon me with compassion, forgiveness and love each and every time. His love for me seems to increase as I keep going back to His throne of grace!! Of course I know His love never changes, but my ability to see His love increases each time He picks me up, dusts me off and says "keep on going Ruth.... I love you!" And because of His great love, I am falling more and more in love with Him each and every day.